Simple Secrets to Relationship Happiness
All relationships need nurturing, love and attention. Many couples fall into the habit of complancency and forget to take steps to keep their love strong. Fortunately there are some simple ideas that you can implement in your relationship starting today! Dr. Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D. speaks on some simple strategies to help couples improve all aspects of their relationship.
Listen with an open mind and heart
You will increase happiness in your marriage if you take time to honestly listen to your partner and validate their thoughts and feelings. Do not pretend to listen and quickly respond with a defensive statement, your partner will not feel heard.
Build intimacy
Intimacy can be both physical and emotional. Make time for each other, even if is a kiss good morning or a phone call at the end of the day to check in. These acts will bring your closer to your partner and begin to remove any distance that you may have built up.
Resolve fights
Unresolved conflicts will turn into silence and resentment. Reach out to your partner and make an attempt to repair the issue. This will help your partner feel wanted and important and allow them to lower their defenses. You may also find that you need outside help to improve how you and your partner communicate through issues.
Act kindly
Show respect to your partner. If this is missing you will not relationship between happiness and success feel warmth, comfort and love in your relationship.
Form a partnership
It is important to be a team. Take your partner into consideration when making decisions, this will build trust.
Support happiness
When your partner is happy, validate them! Do not dismiss things that make some one else happy. Get excited at their acheivements and success, they will appreciate it.
Make time for sexuality
Keep communication open about this topic, what is working and what is not? Be sure to schedule time together if you have busy schedules. Sexuality is an important and healthy component to a relationship.
If you find that you and your partner need additional help to improve your relationship, the therapists at Fox Valley Institute can help! Contact our intake line at 630-718-0717 ext 214 to schedule an appointment today!
Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/simple-secrets-to-relationship-happiness/
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If you do not then, you are missing tons of great tips and techniques including the most recent:
John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
These four methods of communcation often get you into trouble in your relationships and can lead to unhappiness, resentment, loss of trust or distance.
(1) Criticism: verbally attacking your partner’s personality or character.
Criticism is usually an attempt to acheive control or a dominant position in the relationship; your intention may be to feel heard but you end up leaving your partner feeling incredibly hurt.
Criticism can be a form of expression for frustration; often times partners do not realize they are being critical and hurting their loved one.
Are you angry or frustrated in your relationship? Think about the words you are using before you say them.
When your partner feels critcized they may shut down, withdraw or even criticize back.
The intention may be resolution but criticism is not a means to acheive a solution.
(2) Contempt: attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse them.
These are hurtful statements that strike at the core of who a person is.
Again, there may be an intent to establish a dominant position or be heard.
When your partner is attack in this manner, they may withdraw, question their self-esteem or attack back.
(3) Defensiveness: viewing yourself as the victim in efforts to ward off a received attack and reverse blame.
When you are attacked the natural response is to attack back….”well you did….” “well that’s because you did…”
This will continuosly lead you and your partner in a circular pattern of communication; leading to hurt and rejection.
You both want to be heard but attacking one another will only lead you to shut down.
(4) Stonewalling: withdrawing from a relationship as a way to avoid conflict in efforts to convey disapproval, distance and separation.
Have you ever given or received ‘silent treatment.’ Silence sends a passive message of disengagement and anger but without words partners can not learn what is wrong. How do you fix things if you do not know what is wrong?
This can happen for a number of reasons, one being that a partner never feels heard in their relationship and has resorted to pulling away as their solution.
Most often times a partner is sending a message that they are hurt and expect you to figure it out and solve it. That will not happen without open, healthy communication.
Take some time and evaluate if you and your partner or loved one have been engaging in any of these four styles of communication. You may begin to identify where things are going wrong lately! Remember, this is a starting place. You may need some outside help to get back on track!
Follow and click criticism at work the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/communication-relationships/
Communication in Your Relationships
If you do not then, you are missing tons of great tips and techniques including the most recent:
John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the criticism at work Apocalypse:
These four methods of communcation often get you into trouble in your relationships and can lead to unhappiness, resentment, loss of trust or distance.
(1) Criticism: verbally attacking your partner’s personality or character.
Criticism is usually an attempt to acheive control or a dominant position in the relationship; your intention may be to feel heard but you end up leaving your partner feeling incredibly hurt.
Criticism can be a form of expression for frustration; often times partners do not realize they are being critical and hurting their loved one.
Are you angry or frustrated in your relationship? Think about the words you are using before you say them.
When your partner feels critcized they may shut down, withdraw or even criticize back.
The intention may be resolution but criticism is not a means to acheive a solution.
(2) Contempt: attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse them.
These are hurtful statements that strike at the core of who a person is.
Again, there may be an intent to establish a dominant position or be heard.
When your partner is attack in this manner, they may withdraw, question their self-esteem or attack back.
(3) Defensiveness: viewing yourself as the victim in efforts to ward off a received attack and reverse blame.
When you are attacked the natural response is to attack back….”well you did….” “well that’s because you did…”
This will continuosly lead you and your partner in a circular pattern of communication; leading to hurt and rejection.
You both want to be heard but attacking one another will only lead you to shut down.
(4) Stonewalling: withdrawing from a relationship as a way to avoid conflict in efforts to convey disapproval, distance and separation.
Have you ever given or received ‘silent treatment.’ Silence sends a passive message of disengagement and anger but without words partners can not learn what is wrong. How do you fix things if you do not know what is wrong?
This can happen for a number of reasons, one being that a partner never feels heard in their relationship and has resorted to pulling away as their solution.
Most often times a partner is sending a message that they are hurt and expect you to figure it out and solve it. That will not happen without open, healthy communication.
Take some time and evaluate if you and your partner or loved one have been engaging in any of these four styles of communication. You may begin to identify where things are going wrong lately! Remember, this is a starting place. You may need some outside help to get back on track!
Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/communication-relationships/
Communication in Your Relationships
If you do not then, you are missing tons of great tips and techniques including the most recent:
John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
These four methods of communcation often get you into trouble in your relationships and can lead to unhappiness, resentment, loss of trust or distance.
(1) Criticism: verbally attacking your partner’s personality or character.
Criticism is usually an attempt to acheive control or a dominant position in the relationship; your intention may be to feel heard but you end up leaving your partner feeling incredibly hurt.
Criticism can be a form of expression for frustration; often times partners do not realize they are being critical and hurting their loved one.
Are you angry or frustrated in your relationship? Think about the words you are using before you say them.
When your partner feels critcized they may shut down, withdraw or even criticize back.
The intention may be resolution but criticism is not a means to acheive a solution.
(2) Contempt: attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse them.
These are hurtful statements that strike at the core of who a person is.
Again, there may be an intent to establish a dominant position or be heard.
When your partner is attack in this manner, they may withdraw, question their self-esteem or attack back.
(3) Defensiveness: viewing yourself as the victim in efforts to ward off a received attack and reverse blame.
When you are attacked the natural response is to attack back….”well you did….” “well that’s because you did…”
This will continuosly lead you and your partner in a circular pattern of communication; leading to hurt and rejection.
You both want to be heard but attacking one another will criticism at work only lead you to shut down.
(4) Stonewalling: withdrawing from a relationship as a way to avoid conflict in efforts to convey disapproval, distance and separation.
Have you ever given or received ‘silent treatment.’ Silence sends a passive message of disengagement and anger but without words partners can not learn what is wrong. How do you fix things if you do not know what is wrong?
This can happen for a number of reasons, one being that a partner never feels heard in their relationship and has resorted to pulling away as their solution.
Most often times a partner is sending a message that they are hurt and expect you to figure it out and solve it. That will not happen without open, healthy communication.
Take some time and evaluate if you and your partner or loved one have been engaging in any of these four styles of communication. You may begin to identify where things are going wrong lately! Remember, this is a starting place. You may need some outside help to get back on track!
Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/communication-relationships/
Communication in Your Relationships
If you do not then, you are missing tons of great tips and techniques including the most recent:
John Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
These four methods of communcation often get you into trouble in your relationships and can lead to unhappiness, resentment, loss of trust or distance.
(1) Criticism: verbally attacking your partner’s personality or character.
Criticism is usually an attempt to acheive control or a dominant position in the relationship; your intention may be to feel heard but you end up leaving your partner feeling incredibly hurt.
Criticism can be a form of expression for frustration; often times partners do not realize they are being critical and hurting their loved one.
Are you angry or frustrated in your relationship? Think about the words you are using before you say them.
When your partner feels critcized they may shut down, withdraw or even criticize back.
The intention may be resolution but criticism is not a means to acheive a solution.
(2) Contempt: attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse them.
These are hurtful statements that strike at the core of who a person is.
Again, there may be an intent to establish a dominant position or be heard.
When your partner is attack in this manner, they may withdraw, question their self-esteem or attack back.
(3) Defensiveness: viewing yourself as the victim in efforts to ward off a received attack and reverse blame.
When you are attacked the natural response is to attack back….”well you did….” “well that’s because you did…”
This will continuosly lead you and your partner in a circular pattern of communication; leading to hurt and rejection.
You both want to be heard but attacking one another will only lead you to shut down.
(4) Stonewalling: withdrawing from a relationship as a way to avoid conflict in efforts to convey disapproval, distance and separation.
Have you ever given or received ‘silent treatment.’ Silence sends a passive message of disengagement and anger but without words partners can not learn criticism at work what is wrong. How do you fix things if you do not know what is wrong?
This can happen for a number of reasons, one being that a partner never feels heard in their relationship and has resorted to pulling away as their solution.
Most often times a partner is sending a message that they are hurt and expect you to figure it out and solve it. That will not happen without open, healthy communication.
Take some time and evaluate if you and your partner or loved one have been engaging in any of these four styles of communication. You may begin to identify where things are going wrong lately! Remember, this is a starting place. You may need some outside help to get back on track!
Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/communication-relationships/
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Are you looking for ways to feel closer to your partner? Intimacy between you and your partner is critical to keeping the bonds strong. It is always important to determine what may be causing the disconnect between you two and try to problem-solve around that issue as well. There are various reasons that can lead to a disconnect but many couples get ‘stuck in a rut’ and simply forget or lose sight of what makes them feel close to one another.
Intimacy is the feeling of being close to another and a sense of belonging together. Sustaining intimacy for a length of time requires both emotional and interpersonal awareness. Partners need to be able to exist both separate and together as participants in their intimate relationship.
It is important to know that intimacy in your relationship will naturally go through stages. There is no set course for these stages but it may be helpful to identify where you feel you may fall.
Infatuation– the “I just met the love of my life” stage. Infatuation will ebb and flow during this stage but you may find that you just cannot get enough of each other.
Landing– the “oh no, who did I marry?” stage. Landing is when infatuation lifts and clarity of every day living comes in. Landing can feel turbulent and at times glide smoothly but, at the end of the day, you come home to one another.
Burying– the “did I even see you yesterday, I don’t remember?” stage. Burying is when the business of life takes over; kids, laundry, jobs, endless to do lists, home care, etc. Burying is good in that you are reminded your relationship is real but you will need to take some time to try to unbury and let intimacy resurface.
Resurfacing– the “wow I forgot how much I love you! “ stage- in this stage your relationship can get a ‘jolt’ or ‘reality check’ that brings it back to life and makes it a priority again. Resurfacing allows you to resolve to one another to build closeness again.
Love- the “I love you more then I every thought I could” stage- it is in this stage partners typically realize ‘how good they have it’ and ride the wave of love together.
Making a relationship work means just that, doing the ongoing work your relationship will demand.
The following are some tips to enhance closeness between you and your partner:
1. Set goals together– no matter what the goal, working together as a team can strengthen love and closeness.
2. Put the stuff away– technology, toys, television, etc. take some time to just be with one another instead Additional info of always having a third ‘person’ hanging out with you and your partner. This would give you both the opportunity to look at one another while having a discussion, what a great way to strength connection by looking into your partner’s eyes.
3. Create a new tradition or rehab the old one- is there something that both always loved doing together that you can start back up again? Or perhaps a new tradition you can create together?
4. Be spiritual together– praying or meditating together is an excellent way to build closeness.
5. Check in with each other every day– make this a party of your daily schedule.
6. Have a bed time routine you can stick to– this is especially helpful with children. Once you put the kids to bed set a routine that works for you both where you can build closeness.
7. Have a date night– just you two giving focused attention to one another can be a great way to feel close and have fun!
8. Look for the best– do not speak bad about your partner; find a way to focus on their strengths rather then their weakness.
And do not forget, you can go to therapy together! Do not hesitate to utilize the resource of having an objective person helping you both learn to communicate better, sort through the cause to the disconnect and determine how to build closeness again.
Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/deepen-connection-partner/
Finding the Perfect Mate
Are you on a quest for the perfect mate and just haven’t found him/her yet? The dating world is tricky and there are many dynamics that go into a new relationship.
Why Didn’t He Call gives us an inside look into the do’s and don’ts of dating. A first date is both anxiety-provoking and exciting. With the mix of emotions it can be hard to remember to be yourself! After all, you are about to spend some one on one time with a stranger! Jessica Kay, a matchmaker with 18 years experience, gives tips and ideas on how to approach dating.
Kay talks about putting too much pressure on both yourself, your partner and the date. She explains that this trait is commonly found in females. If you portray that pressure to your date, it may scare them off. She recommends going into the date with the intention to make a new friend, not find the person you will marry. This can bring a more relaxed environment to the date and help you connect.
On the flip side, Kay talks about the problems males bring into the dating world; focus on physical attraction and not on personality fit. She encourages her male clients to focus on parts of the woman’s personality they are attracted to and capitalize on those. Kay breaks down biological differences stating that females are wired to find their life partner where as men are visual and physically driven. These biological components can perfect mate activity hinder success in the dating world.
Kay’s most encouraging piece of advice is to go into your first date looking to make a new friend. If you reflect back on the “Smell the Roses” entry where you were encouraged to immerse yourself in the here and now, you will see that Kay encourges the same mindset with dating. Have fun, be silly and be present!
Hopefully these tips can put your mind at ease when you go out on your next date!
Follow and click the link to read more about this article and see many more leading articles on marriage, couples, and family:
http://fvinstitute.com/finding-perfect-mate/
